The word is out

When I started writing this post a couple days ago, I figured this subject matter would be a bit of a surprise to some reading, but it seems the New York Times caught on way before I did. Several articles have been printed in the recent months having to do with adolescent boys and girls in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia.

While this is more extreme than the UAE or other countries in the Gulf, it can give you a bit of insight into just how strict and traditional these cultures are, in large part due to the religious revival, as The Times calls it, happening in the region right now.

Though I haven't written awhile, the new ideas and realities that have hit me in the recent weeks have only grown exponentially in number. On the 2-month mark of my arrival in Dubai, the shock and the novelty of all of the hoopla has begun to subside, and I am now much more aware of the latent themes and customs that exist here.

Yea, there's the indoor ski slope, and malls a mile long, and the tallest building in the world, and the highest number of cranes and "designer" cars per capita in the world, but there's also a society that is in the midst of an identity crisis. Dubai is more or less the biggest anomaly to exist in a long time. It is a "western" haven in the middle of a region still very much set in its traditional, age-old ways.

There was an article in the New York Times this past Sunday about "mad" people, a new group that has started a new phenomenon where they are fighting the stigma of their mental illnesses by "owning" their mental illness and putting it on display in some cases, much like GLBT or disabled people have started to "own" who they are in recent years in U.S. society, finding a heightened level of identity and community amongst themselves and acceptance and support from others. I was having a conversation with someone about how there have been so many changes in our society just in the last 10 years; I think the Millenial generation (which just so happens to be the category I fall into) especially has helped to spur these changes, as more and more people that I have known at one point or another, or people they know, are starting to get engaged at surprisingly young ages, change sexual orientation, enter into experimental relationships or life phases, etc without as much fear about society or their family's judgment.

What hit me when chatting about how "far" U.S./western society has come in recent decades was how much I feel stunted living in this region as a 23-year-old female. While I don't have to wear any traditional Middle Eastern attire or cover my face, I feel restricted in other ways. My (somewhat) outspoken, (at times) explicit New Yorker mouth is painfully out of place; I am stared at because I have blue eyes, let alone for wearing a dress that leaves my legs exposed from the knees down. Living in a city that is literally being built as we speak leaves MUCH to be desired in terms of customer service and competent processes no matter where you go. Even the heat hinders what I am used to; I can barely go outside now during the day, completely eradicating the walking around and use of public transportation to which I am so accustomed.

Culturally speaking, many of the friends I have made here around my age (most of whom work with me) have some values that I would associate with 1950s America: no sex until marriage, marrying exclusively within their religion, living with their parents until only after they wed. And this is not strictly Muslims; on the contrary, there are many different variations of Christianity that are quite ubiquitous in the Gulf region, and still these conservative cultural values percolate.

Of course, the Arab Millenial generation gets in their partying, drinking, socializing, etc., but underlying the western activities that have gradually crept into the social fabric here are some very anachronistic values, compared to western standards anyway. Even when I talk about pop culture or some of the things that 20-something girls talk about amongst themselves, I am sometimes shocked at how little my girlfriends here know or are comfortable discussing--and then I remember that they weren't in liberal schools and universities in a country with significant civil rights, or with class and extracurricular options like GLBT alliances, Planned Parenthood, sex education, etc.

So all this translates into very "limiting" practices by the standards I have grown up expecting. Case in point, the internet is censored here. Since most of the businesses that control the infrastructure of this country are government-owned, they can censor internet sites or television that is deemed "not in line with the morals and values of the UAE." Public displays of affection are not allowed--no kissing, no hugging, hand-holding if you're lucky. Being homosexual is illegal. Having sex before marriage is illegal (read about a girl who was gang raped in Saudi Arabia and then incarcerated for it). Drinking alcohol in your home (only legal if you are a non-Muslim anyway) is illegal unless you have an alcohol license (they won't even sell it to you without a liquor license). Since hotels are the only establishments allowed to serve alcohol, all the bars, clubs, and decent restaurants are located in hotels to conform to the rule.

Granted, Dubai can feel perfectly normal at times. Women can drive, most of the people living here with full-time jobs and families are expats, and there is an ever-increasing number of restaurants and hotels to explore, not to mention the massive malls. The sky-scrapers are impressive, and the speed at which everything is built is truly jaw-dropping, helped out by the enslaved workers who have to work in 120 degree heat and are skinny enough to make you realize how much obesity has infiltrated our society and our psyches to the point where it is no longer surprising.

I'll drive by a building with 100 South Asian men sitting in the shade of the new mall they're building, trying to escape the suffocating heat for 5 minutes. And they'll stare at me. And then I'll get stuck in 20 minutes of traffic just to go 3 blocks in the middle of the day because the road that was open yesterday is now closed. But a new bridge just opened up a few minutes away. And a new hotel just opened, right next to the 10 others on the beach. There goes a Porsche, and a Bentley, and a Rolls Royce, and a Lotus, and a Maserati. It's so hot I can't breathe. Damnit, there are no more parking spaces at 9 am in the morning. There's sand in my shoes. Every single pair. Yea, that's my thought process almost every single day.